It’s scary how much time people waste on Facebook.. And what are people actually doing on there?
Here’s a list of 15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook:
1. Take pictures of their feet.
2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.
3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.
4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”
5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Brintney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!
6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin.’
7. Take pictures of undeserving food.
8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.
9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?
10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)
11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”
12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”
13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.
14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”
15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!
Originally posted by Mary from Fibromy-Awesome
20 Hilarious Photos Of The Elf On The Shelf Being Very Naughty
Legend has it that the Elf on the Shelf is a secret scout sent directly from the North Pole. This weird little red-clad elf hangs out in your house during the day and then reports back to Santa Claus nightly to let him know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.
Parents move the elf each night so that their kids think he’s been leaving to tell Santa exactly what they have been doing. It’s kind of a strange way to control your children’s behavior by making them think they’re being watched by a magical little creature, but whatever works.
But some dirty-minded parents started getting “creative” with their elves, posing them in naughty and hilarious ways. Here are 20 of our favorite wildly inappropriate Elf on the Shelf photos. Enjoy!
Kenny Powers Is Taking Over For NASCAR’s Dale Earnhardt Jr.
As many of you know, Dale Earnhardt Jr. is hanging up his racing suit and retiring from NASCAR in just a few weeks, and instead of going the somber route, long-time sponsor Mountain Dew is staying true to their brand, releasing a humorous tribute piece starring the one and only Kenny Powers.. err, Dewey Ryder.
Watch as future legendary driver Dewey Ryder breaks the news to Junior that he’s taking over for him, even though he’s never driven a stock car. “Pfft. I’m Dewey Ryder, the rightful heir to this throne.”
So how did Earnhardt react? “This got weird,” he tweeted.
Dewey even released a press release, which he wrote himself:
What’s up, racing fans. I’m Dewey Ryder, here to announce the biggest racing news since lug nuts. Me. The only person capable of filling Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s green firesuit when he retires at the end of the season. And as the handsome new face of Mountain Dew, I’m issuing this official press release while I chug that bold, citrus nectar.
I’ll be picking up right where Junior left off. Driving fast cars. Endorsementing. Basically, the same stuff that he does.
While I have never actually driven a stock car, I know enough to be dangerous. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Aren’t you Danny McBride, the world’s funniest actor? What are you doing racing cars?” To which I say, “Pfft. I’m Dewey Ryder, the rightful heir to this throne.”
This is surely a bittersweet announcement for some of you. Dale Jr. and Mountain Dew have been partners since 2008. Dale Jr. is super popular and everyone says he’s a swell guy. But every time a stock car door closes, another stock car door opens [editor’s correction: stock cars do not have doors] and I’m here to pick up the mantle.
For the future generations, I videotaped the passing of the torch moment and it’s on the interweb right now. It’s a real tear jerker. While this was completely 100 percent my idea, I am supposed to mention it was in collaboration with the ad nerds at BBDO. You can witness the momentous occasion here and on NBCSN Sunday, Oct. 29, during the Martinsville Speedway race. You’re welcome.
But don’t just take my word for it. When I spoke to my buddy, Dale Jr., he said, and I quote, “My partnership with DEW goes back almost a decade and it’s been an amazing ride. I knew the guy who’d come after me would be someone special, and Dewey’s definitely… well, he’s someone.”
DEW can back that up too. “Dewey has no racing experience. No training behind the wheel. And, we have no idea how this is going to work out,” said Chauncey Hamlett, Senior Director of Marketing, Mtn Dew. “We’ll definitely miss seeing Dale Jr. behind the wheel as he starts his retirement, as he is an incredible partner to the brand. Dewey Ryder brings something we’ve never seen before, from the way he holds a bottle of DEW to his bold, fun and boundary-pushing style.”
There you have it. To recap, Dale Jr. is retiring and I’m the new model – the upgrade – if you will.
Stay tuned. Down the road there will be more Dewey for many moons to come. To join the conversation, just follow @MountainDew on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat and use the hashtag #DeweyRyder.
For more information, have your people call the DEW people. Dewey out.
Funny stuff.. While we won’t really see Dewey racing in the upcoming NASCAR season, the action should be hot and heavy as the drivers race towards that checkered flag. Chase Elliott is our early favorite, but you can check out the betting odds comparison to see who they think is going to bring home the win!
What do you think about Dewey Ryder taking over for Dale Earnhardt Jr.?
New York Giants’ Odell Beckham Jr. Goes Undercover As Head & Shoulders Massage Therapist
New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. picked up a little side gig, working as a Head & Shoulders massage therapist, much to the surprise of his fans.
Actually, Head & Shoulders’ new mane man pulled off a hilarious prank, going undercover at the Shoulders of Greatness Spa as a massage therapist. Odell surprised some of his fans with scalp and shoulder massages to help relieve the pressures they carry on their shoulders.
Watch as Beckham rubs them down and goes on and on about how his fans have “shoulders of greatness” and “really nice scalps” before revealing his true identity and making the day of some of his biggest fans! Seriously, how great is that?
Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Head & Shoulders, but all opinions are my own.