How To Get A Girl To Like You: Where Guys Go Wrong

Girls at cocktail party

Throughout life, you’ve undoubtedly learned many great things that have helped shape you into the man you are today. However, the one area where your education might be lacking is in something very basic to your happiness as a guy – How to get a girl to like you.

You’re not alone. Most guys grow up without getting that type of training or advice, regardless of whether they have a father or father figure in their life. Why? Most fathers don’t have the answers either and simply tell their son what they think “might” work, or avoid the conversation altogether because they don’t want to cause any added problems. Without knowing how to get girls to like him, a guy will naturally begin trying out different approaches to see what works, such as being really nice, being a nice friend or asking girls out in a shy way. When he has no luck with those approaches and finds that he keeps getting rejected or dumped, it can lead him to feel frustrated, desperate and even angry at women for not liking him for the good guy that he is. With nowhere else to turn, he will usually turn to TV and movies for some advice.

Real Life vs. Television and Movies
Many modern men make the mistake of assuming that TV shows or movies shows about romance and dating, especially the type that women love to watch, must contain the key of how to get girls to like them. Yet, TV shows and movies are the creation of scriptwriters who often like to fantasize about the way they would like things to work, or how provide a fantasy situation for the viewers to enjoy.

What you see on TV and in the movies is mostly about entertainment and fantasy. It’s not a true education source of what guys need to know about getting girls to like them. The writers often base their stories upon what sells to producers, advertisers and audiences. It’s not based on any real expertise or designed as a step-by-step educational program for the viewers to learn about how to be successful in their dating and relationship life. It’s designed to get people to laugh, grimace, feel sorry for the characters, cry and feel a wide range of emotions, so that they then go and tell their friends and family to watch it too, or so they tune into the next episode. If you’ve been watching TV shows and movies to learn how to get a girl to like you, just know that you’ve been looking in the wrong place.

The male characters in TV sitcoms and movies often behave in awkward ways around women because that is what makes an audience laugh or feel sorry for the character. The audience will keep watching because it makes them feel good about themselves (for being better than that guy) or because they feel sorry for the guy and hope that he redeems himself by the end of the episode, series or movie. Where a lot of modern men go wrong is in copying the “loveable loser” characters from TV and the movies and hoping that girls will like them just like they did for the guy on TV. A classic example of this is when guys develop a persona about themselves of being really, really nice, polite and friendly around women and doing favors for women (like the “loveable losers” do in the movies), with the hope that women will like them for it. Yet, in the real world, all a guy usually gets from a woman with this approach is a friendship or her taking advantage of his kindness.

Is It Okay To Be Nice?
A lot of guys get confused about the whole Nice Guy vs. Bad Boy issue and assume that being nice to women will get you rejected. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You should be good to women, but you also have to add something else into the mix called confidence.

You’ve probably heard many girls say that they want to be with a nice guy. However, when many guys display what they think is nice guy behavior, girls either ignore them, take advantage of them or just see them as a friend. Why is that? You see, when a girl says that she wants a nice guy, she is not saying that she wants a nice guy who is nervous around her or others, places her above him in terms of value, importance and dominance and basically does whatever she says. To a girl, a nice guy (in the romantic sense) is one who is confident, cool, charismatic, alpha, but also nice. If you talk to girls and they feel your emotional weakness and insecurity, they aren’t going to be sexually attracted to you no matter how nice you are to them. Women are attracted to the strength in men, not the weakness. So, if you want girls to appreciate how good of a guy you are and want to be your girlfriend as a result of that, then you must first ensure that she feels attraction to your strength as a guy. In other words, she feels attracted to your confidence, social intelligence and masculinity.

Contrary to what a lot of “nice guys” think, behaving like jerk or a bad boy is not how to get a girl to like you. You don’t need to be a bad boy or a jerk, you just need to be strong (mentally and emotionally). The reason girls often go for bad boys and jerks over nice guys, is that there are no “real men” around to choose from. A real man is a strong man who is also a good guy. However, when there are none of those guys available, most women would rather hook up with a bad boy than be with an emotionally weak or wimpy nice guy. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men, not the weakness. Your strength is a sexual turn on for women, so being a wimpy nice guy will never get you anywhere.

“Money Can’t Buy Me Love”
The legendary group, The Beatles, were absolutely correct with their ‘60s classic hit, “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Many guys assume that the way to get a girl to like them is to buy her affection with gifts or displays of wealth. When a guy is constantly pursuing a woman by buying her gifts, taking her out to fancy restaurants, spending money on luxury getaways or doing other things that will empty his wallet – even if he can afford it – essentially, what he’s trying to do is to buy a woman’s love.

Women want to fall in love with you, not with gifts, places and things. A real man understands that he the best “gift” a woman will ever want. Just by being the great guy that he is, a woman will feel like the luckiest woman on Earth. She’ll feel the jealousy of her female friends and the pride of her family when she introduces them to him. However, if all you’ve got to offer a girl is gifts, going places and doing things, but are not a man she’ll feel proud to introduce to others, then her interest in you will only ever be shallow and temporary. Sure, there are girls who will “allow” a guy to buy her attention for a while until he runs out of money, but that’s not the type of woman a man like you should want in the long or the short run. It’s certainly not the type of woman that a real man would accept. A real man has his choice of women and gets the pick of the bunch because he has what women really want. What is that? Emotional strength, alpha male thinking, behavior and actions, confidence, charisma and the ability to make her feel girly around him because he is so masculine.

Getting Lucky
Sometimes, even if a guy is insecure, lacking confidence and pretty hopeless with girls, he will manage to “get lucky” and make some progress with a girl. A classic situation is where a guy meets a girl and she gives him her phone number, e-mail address or becomes his friend on Facebook or any other social media site. From his perspective, he’s just scored and he will begin fantasizing about her becoming his girlfriend and them having sex together. Yet, from her perspective, she still has to analyze him a lot more to find out whether he’s a confident guy or not.

If he’s an emotionally needy or insecure guy, she will naturally lose interest with each message, text or call he makes from that point on. Why? She’ll sense his neediness and insecurity in the way he texts and since women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness, she will naturally begin to lose interest. He’ll most-likely call or text her throughout the day, every day, instead of letting her miss him and want to contact him first. He’ll post cute notes on her Facebook page all the time, to the point where she feels as though he’s acting like the girl in the relationship. His approach is so girly and lacking in masculinity that he feels more like one of her girlfriends rather than masculine boyfriend. He might even go as far as e-mailing or private messaging her repeatedly with romantic thoughts about their relationship and future together. From his perspective, he feels like he’s letting her know how much he cares. Yet, from her perspective, she feels smothered and confused about her feelings. Something just doesn’t feel right to her.

What most guys don’t know about getting girls to like them is that, during the dating phases and during a relationship, girls want to experience the emotions that come with missing a guy. They want to chase him a bit and feel like they are lucky to be with him, rather than feeling as though they are doing him a favor by being his girlfriend because he’s so needy and no other girl would like him. If you want to get a girl to like you, just remember to let her be the girl while you focus on being as confident and masculine as you can. If you do that, things will quickly and naturally move from one phase to the next until she is your girlfriend.

 

About the author: Dan Bacon

 

Dan Bacon is a dating expert and the founder of The Modern Man, a company which has helped 1,000s of men achieve success with women. He has a book called The Flow and 10 additional training programs about success with women, dating and relationships in the modern world.

 

Recent posts in Women

 

One Comment

  • punom

    If you talk to girls and they feel your emotional weakness and insecurity, they aren’t going to be sexually attracted to you no matter how nice you are to them. Women are attracted to the strength in men, not the weakness

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

 

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail.

 
 
 
 
 

Archives

 
 

Categories

 
 

Post of the Week

 
 
 

Recent Comments

  • Cecilia Ramirez: I would absolutely love to win these headphones. I could use…
     
  • Carlos Parga: An even better contest! Awesome headphones from Panasonic. H…
     
  • The Knife Hub: My first pocket knife was a Buck knife 110 folder given to m…
     
  • Carlos Parga: Great contest! Hope I win! …
     
  • Sujeet Patel: Just one week into its campaign, Navdy has already broken pa…