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What To Do When You Want Sex and Your Partner Doesn’t

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Frustrated couple in bed

What do you call foreplay in a marriage? Begging.

This old joke reflects a common problem–one partner wants sex a lot more than the other does. About one-third of the couples seeking marital or relationship help do so because of a marked discrepancy in the desire level of each partner.

It is a fact of life that, on average, men have higher levels of desire than women, and they find themselves in the mood for sex more often than women. No man likes to be rejected, even if he is secure in his partner’s love and knows he is adored. No man likes to beg for sex.

Unfortunately, the problem can get worse if you suppress your sexual frustration. You run the risk of becoming hostile and resentful, usually letting those feelings out in ways that may have nothing to do with the real issue. You might stop initiating sex altogether rather than face the possibility of rejection. You might begin to shy away from all displays of affection. And, of course, you might be tempted to look elsewhere for sex.

I believe that a superpotent man should do everything in his power to fulfill his sexual needs. Naturally, every man’s ideal is to have his partner respond with enthusiasm each and every time he wants to have sex. In reality, coaxing, cajoling, and all forms of seduction might have to be employed, and even some subtle form of bribery (jewelers and florists can attest to that).

No one should be reduced to actual begging, although I have a surprisingly large number of patients who are not above pleading. When approached with a sense of humor, even that may be justified. Superpotent men are pragmatic: they do whatever it takes to get the job done.

The best approach is honest communication. You must break the silence barrier. Talk openly and candidly about your needs and about the discrepancies in your desire levels. Educate your partner. She might not realize how frustrated you feel. She might not understand how demeaning it is to be told no. She might not understand the importance of sex in your overall happiness. You can never know unless you talk to her–she might be perfectly willing to accommodate you and change her behavior so that you can express yourself sexually.

You must also be prepared to listen to her point of view, understand her needs, and negotiate an agreement that can make you both happy. You might have to make some changes yourself, like having sex at different times or initiating it in new ways.

If your efforts fail, then it may be time to see a counselor. If two people care enough about satisfying each other’s needs, they can usually overcome the complications that are caused by a difference in levels of desire.

Dudley Seth Danoff, MD, FACS, is president and founder of the Cedars-Sinai Tower Urology Medical Group in Los Angeles, a Diplomate of the American Board of Urology, a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, and the author of two books on men’s health.

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Doc George

    February 10, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Also, figure out if there’s a reason she’s not telling you. Sometimes it has to do with the health of your tool. Guys don’t notice the rank odor or the dry/flaky skin so much.

  2. Pingback: How Men Really Feel About Boob Jobs - Guys Gab

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Worried About Finishing Too Quickly? Here’s How To Last Longer In Bed

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Passionate couple in bed

You finally worked up the nerve to ask out that cutie from accounting. The date is going great, sparks are flying, and she suggests heading back to your place to hang out. It doesn’t take long for the clothes to start flying, and after some quick foreplay, it’s time for the main event. Only you get too worked up and cum almost immediately. Why couldn’t you last longer in bed?!

Look, we’ve all been there at one point or another. Maybe the girl was so far out of your league that you got too excited (like Jim from American Pie). Or maybe it’s been awhile since you’ve had sex, and you just couldn’t control yourself.

Sadly, for some people this is a regular occurrence. If you fall into that category, not to worry, as we’ve got some tips that should help you last longer between the sheets, ensuring that both of you get off and go to sleep with smiles on your faces.

1. Masturbate An Hour Or Two Before Sex

If you’re planning on having sex, it couldn’t hurt to rub one out a few hours beforehand. Why? Because unlike women, when a man ejaculates, his body (ie. balls) needs some time to recover before going for a second round. So if you empty the chamber before the big event, you should be able to go a little longer the next time around.

2. Take Care Of Her Needs First

It’s a known fact that women take longer to reach climax, so if you’re typically a little quick on the draw, focus on foreplay and getting her off first. Trust me, if you go down on her (sorry DJ Khaled) and focus on giving her the big O, then no matter what happens afterwards, she’s still going to be a satisfied customer who will likely be coming back for more.

3. Slow Things Down If You Need To

If you sense that you’re about to go past the point of no return, tell your partner that you need to slow down. You can say to her, “You’re so hot. I’m not going to last long if we keep this up,” and stimulate her orally or manually until you have regained control of the situation and are ready to continue. Trust me, she’ll appreciate your candor, and the fact that you’re looking out for her enjoyment as well.

4. Use A Desensitizing Spray

If you’re still struggling on how to last longer in bed, consider trying a desensitizing spray like Promescent for lasting longer during lovemaking. The spray absorbs into the skin in a matter of minutes, optimally desensitizing the penis and allowing for better control with negligible loss of sensitivity, so you can keep the party going a bit longer.

5. Try The Squeeze Technique

As the name suggests, the squeeze technique involves physically squeezing your penis (ouch) to stop yourself from cumming too soon when you feel your orgasm coming on. Simply stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis, applying firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger for about 5-10 seconds. Done right, this will temporarily decrease sexual tension, which represses the ejaculation response.

So there you have it, five tips to help you increase your sexual performance and help you and your partner get more satisfaction in the bedroom. And if all else fails, it might be time to discuss your premature ejaculation issues with a doctor.

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Adult VR Distributors Look To Netflix For Inspiration

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VR Headset

Digital subscription services like Netflix and Hulu have revolutionized the way that we watch video. Adult VR distributors are hoping it will do the same for VR porn. This month, the world’s most popular VR porn website announced a new subscription service called VRPorn.com Premium. It’s being hailed as the Netflix of VR Porn and some believe it might be the final step in taking VR porn mainstream.

For $19.95 a month, VRPorn.com will give you unlimited streaming and video downloads from all the major VR porn studios. While this might be old news for the film industry, it’s brand new for the adult VR world. Up until now, VR porn fans had to manage multiple subscriptions across different sites. Now, users can make a single monthly payment and unlock hundreds of full-length videos from over 25 of the biggest studios.

Major adult VR studios like BaDoinkVR, VirtualRealPorn, and RealityLovers are all taking part in the program. This large number of studios means that the Premium library already holds over 500 full-length videos with more being added on a weekly basis. A membership grants you access to many VR porn video games as well, unlocking exclusive demos of popular games like Virt-A-Mate, SinVR, and many others.

VR Headset

One of the major benefits of this new approach is that smaller, independent studios have the chance to gain more exposure. By pooling all their work together, VRPorn.com hopes to shine a light on some of the lesser known studios and encourage more producers to experiment with VR porn.

The rise of adblock and pirating software has made it difficult for many creators to make money off their work. One solution to this problem might be a transition towards more exclusive forms of media like virtual reality. Because VR video is still relatively rare, people are willing to pay a  premium for quality content. If this project from VRPorn.com is successful it could provide a roadmap for all kinds of video artists who are struggling to monetize their content.

VRPorn.com already had millions of monthly visitors as the result of its free content. With this latest addition, the site hopes to transform some of that traffic into paying customers. It will be interesting to see how this new financial model plays out in the months to come.

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A Gentleman’s Guide to Foreplay

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“Hey babe,” you greet your beloved girlfriend as you come home from the gym. “Hey,” she reciprocates. You give her a quick peck on the lips. “How was your workout?”

“Fantastic…” you say dreamily, but the only thought on your mind at the moment is to release the horniness that’s been built up from your chest workout. From behind, you wrap your arms tightly around her abs and kiss her gently on the neck. Then you take her hand and try to take her to the bedroom.

“Sweetie…not now…” she says with a sigh.

“Oh…ok,” you say, visibly disappointed.

This is the third time this week she’s “not in the mood” If this happens again, I’m going to need a strait jacket.

Do you ever feel the lust in your sex life disappearing? Do you miss those first few times when you both couldn’t wait to get your hands on one another? Or maybe you feel uncomfortable when your date is going well, but you have difficulty transitioning from a riveting conversation to a sexual spark in the bedroom?

The key to maintaining this fire is foreplay. Women love it, but us men are often times too impatient to spend much time in this department. But, as a man, if you don’t take steps to get her in the mood for sex, then you won’t be having much of it.

For women, foreplay is just as important as sex, and a true gentleman knows how to turn a woman on.

Here are a few tips:

1. Tease

Most guys try to be efficient when it comes to sex, which means less teasing and more fucking. But a woman doesn’t want that.

Foreplay starts with verbal teasing while your clothes are still on. By teasing her, you show her that you are comfortable with tension, and tension is the gateway to arousal.

This is why makeup sex is so passionate. When she’s riled up and has an excess amount of tension built up, it’s all released through orgasm. With more tension, she’ll have a stronger release.

Something you can do to really turn her on is to make her anticipate your next move, but don’t immediately fulfill her desires. This will build up tension quickly.

For example, if you’re going down on her, don’t immediately thrust your tongue inside of her. Instead, go from making out with her to kissing down her body until you reach her pelvic region. Then lick the inner part of the upper thighs and kiss around her clit. When you start going down on her, lick her once lightly, pause, then lick a bit deeper. At this point, she will be gyrating her hips towards your mouth begging for more. Then go for it.

And the same concept applies right before sex itself. Before you stick it in, make sure you “paint the fence.” Take your penis and rub it up and down across the clit and vaginal lips. This will get her wet instantly.

2) Be verbally dominant

You can call her names if she’s into that, and a lot of girls are. You can also give her commands. As you are teasing her, you can say things like, “tell me that you want me…” or “say that you want me inside of you…”

Then she’ll be the one trying to escalate things.

3) Know the erogenous zones

Obviously everyone knows the lips. But also pay attention to her neck, her nipples, her butt, her inner thighs, and her ears. You can bite her neck, play with her nipples until they’re hard, grab and spank her butt, and lick and kiss her inner thighs.

The one body part that most guys miss is her ears. When you lick a girl’s ears during foreplay or during sex, it’ll drive her crazy.

4) Be present

To really get her turned on, you have to know when to switch things up and when to keep pressing on. So be present and watch her reactions.

If you notice that she’s getting really turned on when you bite her neck and pull her hair, keep doing that. But it’s usually best to see which erogenous zones turn her on the most and focus on those.

Don’t just follow the same routine. Experiment and change things up. Maybe you have certain “moves” that you’re experienced with, but if you open yourself up to different possibilities, then you might find something that will drive her wild that you haven’t tried before. Then that could become your next “move.”

If you want to differentiate yourself from the crowd, be sure to keep these tips in mind. Remember, most guys don’t know how to build tension. Sometimes they’ll get nervous and just want to “get laid” and get it over with. Sometimes they tire of the routine and feel like it’s an obligation. Sex should never feel like an obligation.

Once you go out and start applying these principles, you’ll become the guy who’s always on her mind.

About Marcus Awakuni
Marcus was a shy, introverted nerd turned ladies man. He studied mathematics as an undergrad at BYU and planned to attend grad school, but after his father passed away shortly after graduating, he had a change of heart. He moved to Las Vegas and became a dating coach, and is now dedicated to revolutionizing the dating advice industry with his new age approach. You can find him at AGL Lifestyles, or send him an email at marcus@agllifestyles.com.

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