Minding your manners during sex has far-reaching benefits that extend beyond the bedroom. You’ll have fewer embarrassing sex moments, way more fun, and you will likely be a lot more desirable to potential sex partners.
As a legal sex worker at the Moonlite BunnyRanch, I am often asked how men could improve their sex etiquette, and along the way, I’ve compiled some best practices. These best practices are not rocket science. A little effort goes a long way!
So, follow my top four sex etiquette tips for men, and your current and future sexual partners will certainly be appreciative.
Tip #1: Come Clean
Always be sure to shave and shower before any get together that you think could end up in the bedroom. It’s better to err on the ultra-hygienic side of things rather than to be surprised. If you believe that there’s no chance of sex and you decide not to shower, you are pretty much guaranteeing there’s no chance of sex. So, don’t shoot yourself in the foot by closing the door on spontaneous sex before the date even begins!
Heck, this is why brothels always have luxury showers for the clients. Even sex workers who’re making good money for sex would wholeheartedly prefer to skip it with someone who has not bathed and is reeking of body odor.
Cleanliness goes beyond just getting squeaky clean. The better you look, the more confidence you’ll have during intimacy. So, yes, it makes sense for men to have a “beauty regimen,” which will effectively be a to-do list of things that make you feel sexy. A nicely trimmed beard or a recent haircut, for example, is a lot more attractive than an out-of-control Unabomber-style look. Unless the Unabomber style look makes you feel sexy, in which case, you do you.
While you’re at it, consider getting a manicure, so your nails don’t snag if you plan on finger-banging the lucky lady. Claw-like nails and G-spots (or P-spots!) do not mix. So, if you don’t get a professional manicure, make sure to clip your nails on the short side, file them down smoothly, and remove any hangnails and sharp, dry skin.
Other cleanliness-related ideas that are sure to up your sexiness: recently brushed and flossed teeth and clean and pressed clothes both work magic.
Tip #2: Come Prepared
Unless the goal of this orgasm is procreation—which, more often than not, it isn’t—make sure to discuss contraception. This is not just the lady’s responsibility: it’s yours, too! If you don’t want a baby right now, start the conversation about contraception. Trust me, it’s a welcome change from: “I assumed you were on the pill!”
Next up: talk about safety. Sex is fun, but it’s not risk-free. When you’re engaging with a new partner, you’ve got to have the talk about safety beforehand. Some people think that having this conversation isn’t sexy, but I disagree. Showing that you value someone’s health and ability to make decisions about their body and future is a major turn-on.
Another best practice: Always keep condoms and lube on hand. Making an unplanned trip to 7-11 before getting started can seriously ruin the mood. Plus, not having condoms on hand gives the impression that you either don’t have sex much or engage in some risky behavior; don’t let these ideas run through your date’s mind. Just make sure you’re ready.
Tip #3: Come Correct
Give your date a little warning before you unload, mmkay? Surprising someone with a face full is the opposite of respectful, so avoid it at all costs. Perhaps she is interested in a face full, but first, you have to give her the opportunity to decide. And if she’s not, you need to respect that. Respecting boundaries is the cornerstone of good sex. Pressuring someone into something they aren’t initially interested in is not cool.
In this same vein, never “suggest” oral sex by pushing their head toward your nether regions. Even people who usually are givers can be turned off by this technique unless you’ve asked first. Surprises, in general, are not a great idea during sex—especially with a new partner. If you’re interested in a threesome, a specific kink, or anal, make sure you’re both on the same page well before getting started.
Tip #4: Come Together
Just because you finished doesn’t mean she did! So, do the right thing and ask. And don’t ask something vague, like: “Was it good for you?” Because depending on the personality of your partner, this might trigger their sympathy and so they’ll say something like: “Of course!” When what they really mean is that while they enjoyed their experience with you, no, they didn’t come, and they’re heading home to do the job themselves.
Or, if you’re the one who got left behind, don’t be afraid to speak up. Mention that while you relished the physical closeness, whatever activity you did together isn’t what does it for you. Perhaps you’re into kink or role-play or something else altogether. Don’t stay in the closet! This leads to disappointment, sooner or later, for everyone involved.
The real heroes have this conversation before sex begins. You can ask questions like whether or not they come from penetration or if they (like many folks) need oral sex to reach climax. Ask what kind of foreplay they like, and what new sex ideas they are interested in trying. When you get the answers to these questions, you have not only a good roadmap to their body, but a roadmap of different activities to try in the future.
After all, showing that you’re willing to put in the work to keep things interesting right off the bat is more than proper sex etiquette, it’s sex mastery.