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Failing, And How It Makes You Stronger



Single girl at bar

Failing at anything in life is not that great. It doesn’t make you feel good and in fact, the only thing you want after you’ve failed is to get rid of that bad feeling inside you.

But, if we would never fail, we would never learn anything.

This isn’t just about hooking up with women, sure failing is necessary for a guy that wants to get better at scoring but it transcends that. Failing is necessary if you want to accomplish anything in life.

If you manage to see failing as a constructive way to develop yourself, you will eventually get better at anything in life. This will not only help you with women but it will help you become, pretty much anything you want.

With all that in mind, failing’s still a bitch and feeling better about yourself after you’ve failed isn’t always the easiest thing to do. This article will describe my process on how to feel better after I’ve failed, a process that not only stops me from beating myself up but actually allows me to use failing as a motivational factor that drives me towards success.

How To Use Failure As A Motivational Factor

As always, all the following examples will be about scoring women and failing in that arena. It’s easier for me to give you clear examples but this process can be applied to anything else in your life.

Get Back Up On Your Feet

Usually, if you had a bad streak and have failed constantly for a while you end up in the so called “slump”. Getting out of that is no easy feat and it can be one of the worst places to find yourself in, mentally.

It really does take out all the energy and will away from you, until all that’s left is a helpless man.

The easiest way to avoid falling into a slump is to do something that prevents you from ending up there in the first place. Let’s say you’ve failed at approaching women after you’ve went out 6 nights in a row. The best thing you can do right now is to take action and allow yourself to get over this failure before it gets to you.

Example of things that you can do to alienate the stress of failure: go out with your mates and have fun with no women, bang the chick that you didn’t like that much but was into you, meet up with your super positive friend, hit the gym, bang your ex (only if it won’t get you 2 back together).

Whatever it is that you do, make sure it makes you feel good. This will stop you from falling into a slump and it will allow you to analyze those failures later and see what mistakes you made and how you can use them to your advantage.

Embrace Those Little Positives

What happened before you failed? Sure that girl rejected you, but she at least talked to you for a bit. Think about that, think about what you did that made her talk to you, and thrive on that fact for now.

Let’s say she laughed at your jokes for a bit, and then rejected you because you grabbed her ass. Be glad that she laughed; know that your humor is appreciated. When you feel contempt about that, think about what happened that made her rejected you. Yup, you slapped her on the ass, take a note of that and next time, approach things differently.

Baby Steps, Always Baby Steps

Hardly anything in life will happen overnight. It’s the same with women.

Taking baby steps is the only sure way to get closer to your goal. This is not just a way to succeed eventually but it’s also a fantastic way to stay motivated because you’re succeeding every day.

If you’re just going for the BIG thing, you’ll constantly feel like failing because you’re never reaching that goal the way you want, and in the time you want.

If you’re goals are much smaller, you can reach one or even more every day. This will allow you to feel accomplished on a daily basis and is by far the best thing I’ve learned to stay motivated. Not only that, but failing at baby steps will create little to no emotional stress at all, because you won’t feel as if you’ve failed an important thing.

Here’s how to do it. Set yourself a few mini goals that you can do in a couple of days and then develop on that with more goals per day or bigger goals in a slightly longer period of time.

Here are some baby steps examples, when it comes to scoring women:

  • Approach 2 women in the club tonight
  • Approach 1 woman on the street
  • Approach 1 woman in a coffee house
  • Get a solid number
  • Get a date
  • Talk to the cute clerk

Acknowledge Your Success

Most people have a hard time acknowledging their successes but do exceptionally well at beating themselves up about their failures.

The point of these baby steps is to allow you to acknowledge your success on a daily basis. I don’t know about you but the more success I have, the more motivated I become. Acknowledge your baby step successes and use that to fuel your motivation. Keep a constant positive vibe and life will get much happier, faster than you ever imagined.

Finally, when you complete all the baby steps on your list, reward yourself because you deserve it!

Just so you know, I’ve failed in business and with women more times that any guy reading this but, I never let those failures drag me down, I always got back up in the morning and gave it another go. Just make sure you don’t do the same thing over and over, as Einstein said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Alex Matlock is an expert in dating and woman psychology. Apart from working on his PHD in Social Psychology and writing for Guys Gab, he also owns - a place where the "dating" mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct (and fruitful) methods of meeting and seducing women.

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