Ever noticed that when you’re intent on having a good time, there’s always someone out to ruin it? Unfortunately, there’s always at least one person at the bar that can’t control their alcohol and hasn’t learned when to say “when.”
If you find yourself faced with a potential brawl in the middle of the dance floor, there are certain ways to handle the situation. While it may be tempting to knock the sucker over, the clear winner will be the one who doesn’t end up in cuffs.
Here’s how to win a bar fight in five easy steps:
In any situation that may turn violent, leaving is your first and best option. Try to keep in mind that leaving doesn’t mean that you have to cut your night short. Leaving simply means that you are getting out of one place in favor of another. If there’s an obnoxious drunk ruining your good time at one bar, walk down to the next bar; just make sure that the drunk doesn’t follow you out of the door.
2. Turn The Other Cheek
If you aren’t the type to go running with your tail between your legs, your next option is to simply turn the other cheek. Ignoring the jeers and insults of someone who’s intent on starting a fight can be difficult, but it presents the perfect opportunity for you to be the bigger person. If you’re on a date, trust us when we say this: Being big enough to not fight will be more impressive than any uppercut you may land.
3. Provide Distraction
Drunks are easily distracted and you can use that fact to your advantage. Look around the club for a hot girl, try to signal the bartender or start a wet T-shirt contest; do whatever you can do to distract the drunkard and diffuse the situation.
4. Hit Him Where It Hurts
If you’ve tried everything else and a fight is simply unavoidable, you’ve got to know where to hit. Never go for the face in a bar fight; instead, go for the gut. A good gut punch won’t leave a mark, will bend your opponent in half and doesn’t run the risk of causing serious injury. No matter how angry you are, if one punch is all it takes, don’t throw two. There is a fine line in the eyes of the law between defending yourself and attacking a defenseless drunk.
5. Cooperate With The Cops
If you’re restrained yourself and fended your attacker off with a single blow, don’t run like a girl from the bar when you here the sirens blaring. Instead, stick around and give your statement. If it truly was a case of self-defense, you’ll undoubtedly have witnesses, and the fact that your opponent is still up and walking will work on your behalf. If, on the other hand, you weren’t able to control yourself and you’ve left the drunk in a bloody heap on the floor, we suggest you scram before the boys in blue show up.
There’s no way that you can consider yourself as having won a bar fight if you find yourself camped out in a cell for the night. Try to remember that the object of your frustration isn’t worth a steep fine, jail time, ruined relationship or broken career. If you feel liquid courage beginning to take over, leave the bar before you make a move that can’t be undone.
Andy Farnsworth is a guest writer for www.functionaldefense.org, a web site he recommends for learning Functional Self Defense.