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Is Charlie Sheen Really “Winning”?

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I’ve been watching the whole Charlie Sheen debacle play out over the past few weeks. I didn’t give it much thought until I caught the 20/20 special last week, where all hell broke loose!

After watching the interview, I looked at Sheen in a different light. He just doesn’t give a shit about how other people perceive him anymore, and he’s ready to embrace his newfound freedom. No filter, a side of him no one’s ever experienced before.

In the process, he’s coined a number of catch phrases that have taken the country by storm! Here’s a quick glossary for your convenience:

Charlie Sheen

Definition: The name of whatever Sheen’s on.

Usage: “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

Winning

Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.

Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”

Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”

Bi-winning

Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.

Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

Riding the mercury surfboard

Definition: Skillfully working one’s way into the headlines.

Usage: “It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.” (See also: “winning.”)

Wearing a golden sombrero

Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).

Usage: “I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”

Tiger blood

Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.

Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I’m me. I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.” 

Sober Valley Lodge

Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”

Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”

The Wedge

Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. “the goddesses.”

Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”

Boom

Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a mind-blowing statement.

Usage: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life. “[My ex-wife Denise Richards] shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!” (Synonyms: Bang.)

Buh-bye

Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a conversation.

Usage: “That’s how I roll. And if it’s too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,” “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye.”

So who’s really #winning here? It’s the comedians, that’s who! Check out Jimmy Kimmel bringing the funny:

Even XM/Sirius is trying to capitalize on this, with a special “Tiger Blood Radio” station that has 24/7 Charlie Sheen coverage. (And I won’t lie, I tuned in quite a bit over the weekend..)

But in the end, is Charlie really WINNING? I don’t think so. He’s going after CBS and Warner Bros in court, but the only people guaranteed to win on that front are the lawyers. Now he’s dealing with custody issues again, where once again the lawyers are the ones making the $$.

I do believe that Sheen has a master plan, and that this could be some incredible hoax he’s playing on the media. Everything he says just seems too premeditated for someone allegedly suffering from bipolar disorder. We’ll have to wait and see how this all plays out..

Good luck Charlie!

Sujeet Patel is the founder of Guys Gab, and one of the biggest automotive enthusiast you'll ever meet. He's been fortunate enough to turn his passion for cars into a full-time job. Like they say, "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life."

3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. Gaynell Faigley

    April 2, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Exactly why does any person really care about Charlie Sheen?

    • CJ

      April 4, 2011 at 1:25 pm

      People can’t get enough of famous people, especially when they’re on the decline. Same reason we constantly talk about Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.. 🙂

  2. Dyscalculia Daisy

    April 4, 2011 at 1:25 am

    Poor Charlie Sheen… pray with me he comes out well from all this in the end.

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