I’ve been watching the whole Charlie Sheen debacle play out over the past few weeks. I didn’t give it much thought until I caught the 20/20 special last week, where all hell broke loose!
After watching the interview, I looked at Sheen in a different light. He just doesn’t give a shit about how other people perceive him anymore, and he’s ready to embrace his newfound freedom. No filter, a side of him no one’s ever experienced before.
In the process, he’s coined a number of catch phrases that have taken the country by storm! Here’s a quick glossary for your convenience:
Definition: The name of whatever Sheen’s on.
Usage: “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
Definition: The end goal of Charlie Sheen’s life philosophy.
Usage: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning,” “Just winning every second,” “Winning, anyone?” “Duh, winning!”
Pronunciation: Quoth Sheen, “It rhymes with winning.”
Definition: Winning on the ultimate level.
Usage: I’m not bi-polar, “I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”
Riding the mercury surfboard
Definition: Skillfully working one’s way into the headlines.
Usage: “It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.” (See also: “winning.”)
Wearing a golden sombrero
Definition: Getting divorced four times in a row (kind of the opposite of a hat trick).
Usage: “I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”
Definition: What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful.
Usage: “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “[I survived drug addiction] because I’m me. I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”
Sober Valley Lodge
Definition: The Beverly Hills home where Sheen claims he’s healed himself “with the power of my mind.”
Usage: “We couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management center that we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge. … Its primary client achieved radical success.”
Definition: Sheen’s nickname for himself, based on his preferred position between his two blonde 24-year-old girlfriends, a.k.a. “the goddesses.”
Usage: “It’s a wedge. Boom. You form a wedge to make room for the guy carrying the ball.”
Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a mind-blowing statement.
Usage: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.” “[My ex-wife Denise Richards] shows up looking the way she does. … Wow! Everybody’s winning. Boom!” “White gold? Boom!” (Synonyms: Bang.)
Definition: An exclamation used to signify the end of a conversation.
Usage: “That’s how I roll. And if it’s too gnarly for people, then buh-bye,” “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh-bye.”
So who’s really #winning here? It’s the comedians, that’s who! Check out Jimmy Kimmel bringing the funny:
Even XM/Sirius is trying to capitalize on this, with a special “Tiger Blood Radio” station that has 24/7 Charlie Sheen coverage. (And I won’t lie, I tuned in quite a bit over the weekend..)
But in the end, is Charlie really WINNING? I don’t think so. He’s going after CBS and Warner Bros in court, but the only people guaranteed to win on that front are the lawyers. Now he’s dealing with custody issues again, where once again the lawyers are the ones making the $$.
I do believe that Sheen has a master plan, and that this could be some incredible hoax he’s playing on the media. Everything he says just seems too premeditated for someone allegedly suffering from bipolar disorder. We’ll have to wait and see how this all plays out..
Good luck Charlie!
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