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Why Can’t I Find A Girlfriend?

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You’re a decent guy, not too shabby in the looks department, you’re moderately successful, drive a decent car and live in a decent house. Yet, despite all of this you are still single – and not by choice either. On the other hand, you often see guys less good looking than you, with less money and less success and yet they have a beautiful woman on their arm. Why is that?

Understandably, if you can relate to this you will have been feeling frustrated about it lately and possibly wondering to yourself, “Why can’t I find a girlfriend?” So, what is the answer? Is there something wrong with you, with your approach to women or with women in general? Who is to blame?

The Pressure To Find Yourself A Girlfriend

Many guys find themselves under intense social pressure to be in a relationship. If a guy is “normal” with nothing seriously wrong with him, having a girlfriend is an expected thing that he should do and if he doesn’t, people start to wonder if he actually likes women at all. The longer a guy remains single for no obvious reasons, the more that the embarrassing questions begin to be asked of him:

–         Are you gay?
–         Are you still a virgin?
–         Are you afraid you won’t be able to get it up?

In the end, the poor guy begins to doubt himself and develop new fears and anxieties about not having a girlfriend. He starts wondering “Why can’t I find a girlfriend? Maybe something is wrong with me. Why else would I be single for so long like this, when other guys find it so easy to get a girlfriend?”

Of course the more anxious he gets about it, the harder it becomes to find the right girl, because women are most attracted to a guy’s confidence and belief in himself. So, unfortunately, most guys find themselves sliding down a slippery slope of ever increasing anxiety and fear surrounding women.

Who Do You Turn To For Help?

Since many guys grow up without strong (or effective) male role models, they have difficulty in understanding the true dynamics between men and women. Added to this, TV and movies give such a distorted portrayal of the relationships between men and women that many guys struggle to understand what women really want in a man. This is where sneaky advertisers step in and tell men that what women really want is:

–         A guy with money.
–         A guy who drives their brand of car.
–         A guy who wears their brand of cologne.
–         A guy who wears pink / mauve / peach shirts.
–         A guy with their brand of watch.

Sadly, a lot of modern men believe it and end up spending loads of money on material items, hoping that women will finally begin to like them. “When I get those expensive shoes, then women will like me!” Yet, after spending his hard earned cash on material objects, he finds himself no better off than before and still asking himself the same question, “Why can’t I find a girlfriend?”

Who Fault Is It?

Many guys who fail to get themselves a girlfriend for long period of time may begin to think that the fault lies with women. Over the years, many men have come to me for help and started out by blaming women for being too picky and choosy and for only going for guys who look like male models, drive sports cars or who are making millions. Yet, what these guys fail to remember is that they always see average (even “ugly”) looking guys with beautiful women. Often, these guys don’t even have a job, let alone a sports car, so why can they get the girl, but he can’t? In most cases, it will be because:

  • He’s too nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman or to women in general. In fact, you should be the good guy that you are. However, being too nice to women in the hope that they choose you for being a good, little boy is not the answer. Women don’t want to date a guy who feels like their little brother or like their best friend; they want to date a guy who makes them feel sexy, girly and like a real woman.
  • He’s too polite. There’s nothing wrong with good manners, but a guy who’s always on his best behavior, avoids flirting and sexual body language during an interaction with a woman he feels attracted to, is inevitably wasting his (and her) time. She’s not going to say, “Wow! You’re so polite! You should be my boyfriend!” Instead, she’ll just feel bored and will quickly forget that she ever met you.
  • He’s too insecure. Women are attracted to mental and emotional strength in men, not weakness. When talking to a woman, if a guy keeps thinking, “Does she like me? Can a woman like her really like me? She’s out of my league. I’m not good enough for her,” then he can be sure that she will pick up on his insecurity and will reject him – proving to him that his insecurity was well placed and not realizing that it was the insecurity in the first place that got him rejected!
  • He’s too indecisive. If a guy isn’t sure what he wants in life, with her and in general, the woman will feel as though he’s not quite what she’s looking for. Indecision comes across as mental and emotional weakness and women find this to be a big turn off.
  • He’s too desperate. A guy who is desperate to find a girlfriend will either settle for anything he can get, or when he’s with a woman he really likes he’ll try too hard to get her to like him too. A woman doesn’t like to feel pressured into liking a guy and she definitely doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing him a favor by dating him either.
  • He avoids the women he likes the most. Some guys come up with excuses to avoid the women they feel attraction to, such as “She probably has a boyfriend”). Then they sit alone or with friends, feeling sad and frustrated about why they can’t find a girlfriend. If you don’t go over and talk to her, you’ll never know.
  • He’s too boring. Approaching a woman is only the first step; getting her to feel attraction for you and then developing a connection with her is what makes it possible to “close the deal” and begin the process of making her your girlfriend. However, many guys can’t even get past the initial conversation because they run out of things to say or find it difficult to keep the conversation interesting. As a result, women never really get to see the real them and walk away with a shallow impress of the guy.
  • He’s too clingy. Some guys latch on to the first woman they approach and immediately signal that they want to be her boyfriend and begin a relationship with her. They become clingy and obsessive, making her feel uncomfortable, tense and turned off.

Just Relax

When you next meet a woman who could potentially be your girlfriend, just remember that she is going to like you if you can relax and be yourself, without getting clingy, being boring or being too polite. Get her attracted to you, connect with her and move it forward. It really is as simple as that.

If you come across as being “star struck” by her and overly excited about the possibility that a girl might actually like you, most women will pick up on that and realize that they’d probably be doing you a favor by going out with you. A woman wants to feel lucky to be with you, so if you come across as though you’d be so lucky to have her, you will steal that from her and she’ll rapidly begin to lose interest in you.

About the Author:

Dan Bacon is the founder of TheModernMan.com, a website dedicated to helping men achieve their women-related goals. Through his modules, systems, seminars and coaching, Dan has helped men from all over the world improve their overall confidence to strengthen their relationships, find success in meeting women and accomplish their women-related goals.

Dan Bacon is a dating expert and the founder of The Modern Man, a company which has helped 1,000s of men achieve success with women. He has a book called The Flow and 10 additional training programs about success with women, dating and relationships in the modern world.