I came across this story last week, and thought it was worth reposting for those who might have missed it. Enjoy!
This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.
This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.
Pizza Hut Launches New $5 Lineup Menu, Stacked With Pizza And More!
Get excited people, because Pizza Hut just launched their $5 Lineup menu, which features a variety of craveable menu choices (pizzas, wings, pastas, and more) for… you guessed it, just five dollars each, when ordering two or more.
You can choose from a medium one-topping pizza, eight boneless wings, stuffed garlic knots, pasta, a double order of oven-warm breadsticks, a giant Hershey’s chocolate chip cookie, a four-pack of 20oz. beverages, and Pizza Hut’s all-new Cinnabon mini rolls.
“The $5 Lineup gives our customers what they really want, Pizza Hut pizzas for just $5,” said Marianne Radley, Chief Brand Officer, Pizza Hut, U.S. “The ability to get the best tasting pizza made right when you order it for $5 is unrivaled and there’s an incredible variety of food in this Lineup, from wings to indulgent desserts.”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve suddenly got a craving for some pizza.. and a giant chocolate chip cookie, those new Cinnabon mini rolls, and maybe some breadsticks for good measure. All that food for $20, now that’s a solid deal if you ask me.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and place an order for some Pizza Hut.. 😋
Starbucks Gets Into The Halloween Spirit With Witch’s Brew Frappuccino
Starbucks is stirring up a new Halloween concoction this year with their spooktacular Witch’s Brew Frappuccino, a mystical purple brew that’s coming soon to an Instagram feed near you, because you know every basic girl will be posting photos of this for all to see.
The charming concoction starts off with orange crème Frappuccino, a purple blend of “toad’s breath” and a swirl of green “bat warts” (made with chia seeds). A topping of vanilla whipped cream and dusting of green “lizard scale” powder finishes the beverage. Strangely enough, the Witch’s Brew Frappuccino doesn’t have any coffee or espresso in it.
“Starbucks loves to celebrate Halloween, and our Frappuccino brings something different to the season each year,” said Jennica Robinson of the Starbucks beverage development team. “We started with Frappula, which was inspired by an old-school horror movie. Last year’s Zombie Frappuccino was like The Walking Dead, a little ghastly. Witch’s Brew is very fun, vibrant, bubbly, the life of the party.”
Participating Starbucks stores in the United States, Canada, and Mexico will offer the Witch’s Brew Frappuccino for a limited time while supplies last.
So what do you say, are you going to try the Witch’s Brew for yourself? If so, don’t wait too long, because they’ll be gone before you know it!
Get Excited, Because McDonald’s Has Brought Back The McRib!
McDonald’s just announced that they’ve brought back the tasty fan favorite McRib sandwich for a limited time, and I couldn’t be more excited for this.
My love affair with the McRib started more than 35 years ago when I first bit into this delicious sandwich, a seasoned boneless pork slathered in tangy, delicious barbecue sauce, topped with slivered onions and tart pickles on a hoagie-style bun. It was love at first bite.
Sadly, the McRib disappeared from McDonald’s menu not long thereafter, briefly returning for limited engagements throughout the years, with fans clamoring to get their hands on one of these BBQ sauce-oozing sandwiches while they still could.
Now, nearly a year since it was last offered, the McRib is back for a limited time, available in more than 9,000 U.S. restaurants nationwide, both in stores and through through McDelivery on Uber Eats, so you don’t even need to leave the house to get one.
“While McDonald’s has ushered in many new items this year, such as fresh beef in our quarter-pound burgers, we know our fans love this limited time classic,” said McDonald’s Chef Mike Haracz. “That’s why we wanted to bring the McRib to as many fans as possible this year. With the McRib also now available via McDelivery on Uber Eats, we’re excited to make it more accessible to customers with the speed and convenience they expect from McDonald’s.”
Now if history is any indication, not all McDonald’s will have the McRib, so make sure you call ahead (or use the McDonald’s Finder app) to make sure your local store has the McRib before making a special trip, only to have your hopes and dreams crushed.
All this talk about the McRib has got me really hungry. So it’s off to McDonald’s I go! 😋