I came across this story last week, and thought it was worth reposting for those who might have missed it. Enjoy!
This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.
This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.
This Mother’s Day, Treat Mom To Breakfast In Bed.. And Maybe Even A Spa Gift Card
It’s hard to believe, but we’re just a few weeks away from Mother’s Day. Do you know what you are getting that special superwoman…
Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Bays English Muffins, but all opinions are my own.
It’s hard to believe, but we’re just a few weeks away from Mother’s Day. Do you know what you are getting that special superwoman on your list? My suggestion – Start things off on the right foot and treat her to breakfast in bed. She will appreciate the effort.
While the notion of cooking breakfast might seem daunting to some (myself included), there’s no need to panic, as we’ve partnered with Bays® English Muffins, who have provided us with some tasty and delicious Mother’s Day recipes that are easy to make and sure to please!
Trust me, if I can make these dishes, then you can too. See how easy it is for yourself:
If she’s a fan of French Toast, Bays Classic French Toast substitutes boring bread for English muffins. The Mattina Toscana is a restaurant-quality egg sandwich. The Chocolate Chunk Cheesecake Spread is perfect for those Mom’s with a sweet tooth. But my personal favorite would have to be the Strawberry Ricotta Balsamic Bites.
Bays English Muffins comes in four different varieties (Original, Sourdough, Multi-Grain and Honey Wheat), so feel free to use whichever one best suits her tastes in your dish. You can find them in your grocer’s refrigerated case next to the eggs – not in the bread aisle.
You can find these recipes and more on Bays website under the recipe tab, but I’ve included the Strawberry Ricotta Balsamic Bites recipe here for your convenience:
1/2 cup ricotta cheese
1 pkg. (4 oz.) goat cheese (or whipped cream cheese)
3 teaspoons grated lemon rind, divided
4 BAYS English Muffins, any variety, split
8 medium strawberries, trimmed, sliced
2-1/2 tablespoons balsamic glaze
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Mix ricotta cheese, goat cheese and 2 teaspoons of the lemon rind.
Toast English muffins.
Spread about 2 tablespoons ricotta mixture on each muffin half. Top evenly with strawberries; drizzle with glaze. Sprinkle with remaining 1 teaspoon lemon rind, salt and pepper.
But wait, there’s more!
Enter The Bays English Muffins What Mom’s Want Sweepstakes
To make Mother’s Day a little brighter, Bays is hosting an awesome giveaway, where one lucky winner will receive a $200 Spa gift card, so Mom can treat herself to the spa treatment(s) of her choice. Now that’s a gift that is sure to make her happy!
You can enter the contest every day from April 24th to May 13th 2018 on Bays Facebook page. Official rules can be found at Bays.com. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to ‘LIKE’ Bays’ Facebook page, to share your Bays creations and pick up some new ideas.
Get Excited Steak Lovers, You Can Now Buy The World’s Rarest Beef In The US
Forget the age-old question of “Where’s the beef?” A better question is “What’s the rarest beef on Earth and where can I get some of it?” We’ve got you covered. Despite our amazing cattle industry and despite the fact that you can find a quality steakhouse around every corner these days, there’s one type of beef we can’t regularly get here in America.
Genuine Wagyu Beef.
While there are certain types of Wagyu Beef on steakhouse menus here in America, it is rare, and you never know if it’s Wagyu-style beef that’s been grown in America and masquerading Japanese style cattle raising or if it’s imported. However, there’s one specific type of Wagyu beef that has never been available in this country until now, and that’s Olive Wagyu.
So, what’s the deal, why is this beef so rare and praised? Well, the fat content and marbling in Olive Wagyu beef comes from the fact that the cows in Japan eat spent olives used in olive oil production. This results in a piece of beef with amazing softness. It’s hard to find this even in Japan. But now, a company is making Olive Wagyu available to us in the States.
It’s coming courtesy of Crowd Cow. And the catch is that you have to be a member. Existing Crowd Cow customers get the first taste of Olive Wagyu, so maybe it’s time to sign up.
But don’t have a cow man! What isn’t sold to existing customers will go on sale to the public the next day. My mouth is watering just thinking about this!
Michael Symon’s New Cookbook Arrives Just In Time For BBQ Season
Clarkson Potter sent us a copy of Playing With Fire AND is providing a prize pack for one lucky reader!
Just in time for the start of BBQ season, Michael Symon (co-host of The Chew and celebrated Iron Chef and restaurateur) has released his fifth cookbook, Playing With Fire, which covers all things meat!
Playing With Fire focuses on barbecue and live-fire grilling, with 72 recipes inspired by his newest restaurant, Mabel’s BBQ, in his hometown of Cleveland. In preparing to open his barbecue restaurant, Michael Symon enthusiastically sampled smoked meat from across America.
These finger-licking, lip-smacking recipes draw inspiration from his favorites, including dry ribs from Memphis, wet ribs from Nashville, brisket from Texas, pork steak from St. Louis, and burnt ends from Kansas City, as well as the unique and now signature Cleveland-style barbecue that he developed to showcase the flavors of his hometown. Symon offers expert guidance on working with different styles of grills and smokers, cooking various cuts of meat, choosing aromatic woods for smoking, and pairing proteins with rubs, sauces & sides.
If you’re looking for a new guide to classic American barbecue with the volume turned to high, look no further.
Michael Symon cooks with soul, having grown up in a Greek and Sicilian family. The Cleveland native shares his exuberant, approachable cooking style and infectious laugh as an Iron Chef on Food Network and as a co-host on ABC’s The Chew. Michael is the chef and owner of more than 18 restaurants, including Lola and Mabel’s BBQ in downtown Cleveland, locals of B-Spot Burgers throughout the Midwest, and Angeline at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa in Atlantic City.
He’s always posting amazing creations on his social media accounts, so you should definitely make sure that you’re following him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. But be forewarned, his feed will make you hungry.
I’ve long been a fan of Michael Symon and his cooking, so when Clarkson Potter sent us an advanced copy of Playing With Fire, I couldn’t wait to check it out. And let me tell you, the recipes had our mouths watering! Sadly, it’s still freezing outside here in the Northeast (heck, it just snowed last week), so we can’t fire up the grill just yet. But once it warm up, we’ll definitely be trying out some of these dishes for ourselves.
In celebration of the release of Playing With Fire (in stores April 3rd), we’ve partnered with Clarkson Potter for an exciting giveaway, where one lucky winner will receive the following:
- A copy of Michael Symon’s Playing With Fire
- A Cuisinart Deluxe 20-piece grill set
- A barbecue pit mitt glove
To enter, simply leave us a comment below telling us what your favorite barbecue dish is. We’ll pick a winner at random on April 20th at 5pm EST. Contest only open to US residents.