I came across this story last week, and thought it was worth reposting for those who might have missed it. Enjoy!
This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.
This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.
Wendy’s Is Giving Away Free Burgers Through The End Of September
Wendy’s is getting an early start on National Cheeseburger Day this year, offering up a free Dave’s Single cheeseburger (with any purchase) every day in September.
That’s right. The purveyor of square-shaped burgers is celebrating National Cheeseburger Day all month long, meaning that you can take advantage of this delicious deal as many times in September as your stomach can handle. Oh boy, time to break out the sweatpants!
So what’s the catch? Wendy’s wants you to download their handy-dandy mobile app. I’ve had it for months now, and they’re always loading killer deals on there, so it’s really a no-brainer. Simply fire up the app, click on the “Free Dave’s Single” offer, and add a Frosty or fries to your order. Boom, you’re out the door for less than $2. How great is that?
Boss: We need more app downloads
Us: Give them free food
Boss: Fine. Free Dave's Single with purchase, every single day, for the rest of September.
Us: *tweets this tweet telling you to go get that free food*
— Wendy's (@Wendys) September 10, 2018
For those of you not in the know, Dave’s Single is Wendy’s name for their quarter-pound, single-patty burger. It comes with toppings of your choice, and may include tomato, lettuce, onion, pickles, ketchup, mayo and American cheese.
Happy eating! 🍔
4 Ways Millennials Are Changing Coffee For Better Or Worse
It seems like the media is obsessed with the Millennial apocalypse. Not a week goes by without headlines claiming that Millennials are killing the housing industry, the wine industry, cable television, napkins, chain restaurants, and just about everything under the sun.
Truth be told, Generation Y isn’t “killing” these industries. They simply have their own buying habits that differ from their parents’ generation; and cantankerous companies regret having to change their business models to match changing times.
One prime example of this is coffee.
Coffee may have a long history, but it is constantly evolving. As you might expect, Millennial consumers are rapidly changing the way coffee is sourced, brewed and enjoyed. If you prefer big coffee makers, chain stores, and the like, you might view these changes as bad. If not, these might be welcome changes to you.
Below are four ways Millennials are changing coffee for better or worse:
Millennials Prefer Smaller Coffee Machines or No Machines at All
Research shows that Millennials are more mobile than past generations. They are more likely to go out of state for college, more likely to move to an urban area for a good job, and more likely to live out of a small apartment. If you are moving often or live in a small space, it’s unlikely you’d want to spend big bucks on a clunky coffee machine.
While smaller single-serve coffee machines were heralded as the perfect dorm room necessity, these machines fell out of favor rather quickly with Millennial coffee drinkers (more on this below).
Instead, Millennials are giving up on coffee machines all together in favor of machine-free single-serve coffee capsules. Brands like Caffè di Artisan offer gourmet coffee pods that can be poured into hot water or steamed milks for black coffee or a café latte. This is much easier (and perhaps more sanitary) than using a bulky, expensive coffee machine.
Here’s the bottom line… When’s the last time you saw a Millennial with a copy machine or home phone? Generation Y is moving away from machines, and toward simpler and more effective solutions to their needs – and this includes coffee!
Millennials Like Ethical & Eco-Friendly Brands
With regards to single-serve brewing machines, the reason that K-Cups and Nespresso coffee makers fell out of favor was due to the unparalleled levels of waste. Believe it or not, it’s something that Keurig actually apologized for! Turns out, all those plastic containers and grounds could neither be recycled nor composted. Yikes.
Millennials prefer to purchase their products from ethical brands. When it comes to coffee, this means buying from brands with recyclable packaging and eco-friendly sourcing. They don’t mind spending a little bit more on coffee that is high-quality and from an ethical brand.
Millennials Have Outgrown Starbucks
When Starbucks came out with the Unicorn Frappuccino, it was an obvious play for Instagram and Snapchat-obsessed Millennials. After all, it’s the “Me-Me-Me” Generation that enjoys posting images of their food online. Unfortunately for Starbucks, the frozen beverage was widely known for tasting “sickeningly sweet.”
Still, it’s likely that coffee chains will continue to push kooky promotions to attract Millennial customers. And for a while it will probably work. But overall, Gen Y prefers to patronize smaller coffee shops or – due to thrifty spending – make coffee at home.
Then again, it’s not like Starbucks will disappear anytime soon, as Millennials will continue to visit the coffee chain for free Wi-Fi, to kill time or to conduct meetings.
Millennials Will Make Up Their Own Minds
Millennials are the first generation to be (over) exposed to marketing at a very young age. Perhaps you can remember the first kids-only networks in the 80s and 90s pumping out toy and cereal commercials.
This trend hasn’t stopped, of course. But there’s a key takeaway that is often ignored – the fact that Millennials are somewhat immune to marketing and advertising. This makes sense when you think about it. After all, they’ve seen it all before!
So, while brands may continue to push marketing messages in the form of memes, interactive campaigns or phony grassroots movements, Gen Y will likely be hip to the true intention of these ads. In the end, Generation Y won’t be fooled. They will make their own decisions when it comes to coffee. It’s time the market caught up to Millennial expectations; whether you like these changes or not will color your judgments.
Bud Light Kicks Off The Football Season With Two New ‘Dilly Dilly’ Spots
I don’t know about you, but I just cannot get enough of those hilarious Bud Light Dilly Dilly commercials. And lucky for us, Bud Light is back with two new “Dilly Dilly” ads to celebrate the long-awaited return of the NFL football season.
Bud Lights For Everyone:
During the college football kickoff weekend, Bud Light previewed this spot, which depicts our regal King gifting his kingdom’s loyal habitants with his favorite light lager, Bud Light, when one of the pub patrons asks for a mead. The ad highlights the one friend in every group who tries to show off their sophisticated palette, even when it contradicts the group’s preference.
This commercial introduces two new characters from the neighboring kingdom, Count and Countess Pamplemousse. The Pamplemousse’s represent the snobby friends you always seem to invite to a party. Royal Affair celebrates Bud Light as the light lager of choice for a large group of friends (and foes).
Here’s hoping that these two are just the first in a long line of Dilly Dilly commercials that run throughout the season!